Tired of arguing with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Afraid that your arguments are only getting worse and will be the downfall of something that could've been good? Well... Maybe it's time to stop and think about what causes these altercations and what can be done to avoid and prevent them!
It's important to know, that every couple in the f*ckin' world has a disagreement from time to time and argues in some way, shape or form... So NO, you're not alone. And YES, even the POTUS and his lovely First Lady have gotten into it and given each other the silent treatment before.
It's also important to know, that arguing -- whether it's with bae or your annoying mom, is simply a part of human nature. Every human thinks and acts differently. You can't expect your mate to always think the way you do, just like you're not going to always agree with everything he or she does. We, as humans were... Well... Ourselves before our man or woman came along. We lived an entire life before them, in which we did things the way we wanted to, and how we wanted to-- so when we introduce someone into our life that does things differently- it can be annoying and an argument is sure to happen.
That being said, let's talk about ways to have less arguments, and more mature disagreements -- so we can turn the drama down a notch! And yeah... The first one, might sound crazy.
1. Put yourself first sometimes.
Everyone has personal needs, whether it’s going to the gym after work or taking some alone time on Saturday morning. If someone asks you to do something, but your instinct tells you to honor you own needs first.... DO THAT. I’m not saying you can’t make sacrifices sometimes, but it’s important to make a habit of taking care of yourself.
Someone once told me people are like glasses of water. If we don’t do what we have to do to keep our glass full, we’ll need to take it from someone else—which leaves them half full. Fill your own glass so you can feel whole and complete in your relationships.
2. Choose your battles.
Everyone knows someone who makes everythinggg a fight and is always filled with drama! If you question them about something, you can expect an argument. If you comment on something they did, you’ll probably get yelled at. Even a compliment could create a confrontation. The reality is, some people just like to fight!
On one hand, you have to tell people when there’s something bothering you, because that’s the only way to address problems. But on the other hand, you don’t have to let everything bother you. Let it GO sometimes!
A popular fight in my house is, whose going to clean up after who. One person feels like, "I didn't make the mess, so I shouldn't have to clean it." Which I think would be true, if the mess is big... Okay, let that person be held responsible for cleaning their own throw-up.. But if it's simply picking a piece of gum wrapper off the floor. It's not going to ruin your day to bend over and throw it away. Versus hunting the guilty person down, telling them what they NEED to do, and so forth... Which would ultimately take longer then throwing away the damn wrapper in the first place and create drama. Know when to be the bigger person and when to put your foot down. Know when to walk away and when to hold your ground. Know when to speak... And when to stfu.
3. Confront positively and passionately.
When you attack someone, their natural instinct is to get defensive, which gets you nowhere. You end up having a loud conversation where two people do their best to prove they’re right and the other one is wrong. It’s rarely that black and white. It’s more likely you both have points, but you’re both too stubborn to meet in the middle. So... Instead of coming through the door swinging...
Confront in a positive and more passionate way!
Example: Nita asked Marcus to take the trash out before she went to work. Marcus had just finished working overnight and was exhausted. He made a mental note to take the trash out, but ended up sleeping in and forgetting. When Nita came home, she noticed the trash was still piled up.
Scenario One:
Nika: "Why the f*ck is the trash still out Marcus? Didn't I ask you to take it out? D*mn, you don't ever do anything right."
Marcus (automatically on the defense): "Who the h*ll are you talking to like that? I asked you to suck my d*ck last night, but you forgot to do that... I guess that makes two of us who can't do anything right."
Nika: "Well since I can't do that right, how about I don't do it at all?!"
Scenario Two:
Nika: "I see you forgot to take the trash out, " (laughs) "It's okay sleepyhead, I'll get it."
Marcus (apologetic because of her positive energy): "Aww yeah, I'm sorry baby. I fell asleep and completely forgot."
Nika (exhibits understanding): "You're good. I know you worked overnight and were probably tired... Get your rest.. I'll run it to the dumpster."
Same situation. Two totally different outcomes! Avoiding drama, not only makes for a more peaceful relationship, but you'll be happier, which will make your boo and everyone else around you happier too. What do you currently do to avoid confrontation in your relationship?